Novak Djokovic buys up annual supply of donkey cheese

December 11, 2012 § Leave a comment

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No, I’m sorry. The bathroom is for customers only.

But if I can draw your attention to our unsurpassed selection of priceless first-edition Kindle files, I’m sure you’ll find something to tickle your fancy. Take this copy of The Road for instance: it was downloaded from Amazon only two hours after the novel first went on sale back in ’07-yet note how the .azw file is still in pristine condition!

Look, I don’t care that it’ll only take a second. Either buy something or go across the street to Saxby’s.

No, I don’t have any DRM-cracked Game of Thrones files for Nook. Sir, need I remind you that this is a serious, scholarly establishment with an incredibly sophisticated clientele? Why, just the other day Jonathan Franzen was in here asking for directions to the Apple Store. At any rate, petty digital piracy is beneath my craft.

Now if you’ll look over here, you’ll see that we have a rare .doc draft of The Corrections that I found when someone accidentally left his laptop bag in the store. How does $7,000 sound?

Wait, wait!-don’t leave yet. You still haven’t seen this yet: a four-gigabyte Kindle DX autographed by none other than preeminent postmodern novelist Don DeLillo. “To Eric-Wow, now you can’t read the screen of this $400 eReader. That sucks. Sorry.” It doesn’t get much more postmodern than that, right?

Or check this out: an .rtf containing the text of the original 42-line Gutenberg Bible, elegantly typeset in MS Courier New. I have a couple thousand other copies of the file on an external hard drive, but I’ll happily delete them to make this one rarer if you’d like.

It’s yours for ten grand. I’ll even throw in Franzen’s MacBook.  read more

CHART: Goldman Sachs

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