What is bad is not just that they show their bottoms, but that they do so at the wrong times

April 4, 2013 § Leave a comment

what-is-040413

Yellow cover!  Kim Kardashian!  I don’t know what’s going on with her… lower garment!  I think Cosmo’s stylists are getting pretty desperate to make the 35,000-year-old concept of “wearing clothes” seem fresh and new every month!  Go ahead and trace a line from the center of Kim’s cleavage to the center of her neck and explain what kind of skeletal structure that implies!  Also please note that her arms are different lengths!

(I think what’s going on here is that they’ve Photoshopped away all creases and features on her neck, which makes the side of her neck look like the front.  And they posed her with both arms behind her so that her chest would stick out, but then her right arm looked wrong or wasn’t visible, so they pasted on a replacement arm.  Which would explain the surreal way her hand is interacting with her thighs.)

I loved reading ‘Can Sex Make You Skinnier?’  The next time I had an intense carb craving, I marched right into my bedroom and pounced on my sleeping, unsuspecting boyfriend.  I’m thankful for my new weapon in battling bulge, and my boyfriend is too!  Thanks, Cosmo!”  — Sarah A., Nashville, Tenn.

I’m not, like, an expert in forensic writing analysis or anything, but I think Cosmo’s letters page is fake.  Just a hunch here.

Also I would prefer to not eroticize “pouncing” on “unsuspecting” people, but if I point out every time Cosmo does that, we’ll be here all day…

Within hookup culture on college campuses, dating is one of the most radical, nonconformist things you can do.

Oh, for fuck’s sake.  Yes, young people have casual sex.  No, the entire population between ages 16 and 26 is not subsumed into this boogeyman “hookup culture” where they’re all like “what is this Earth thing you call ‘love’?”  I would really like the media to get over this particular obsession already and move on to telling us that eating caramel leads to Satanism, or something.

Because our ancestors spoke with their bodies rather than language, we learn more from gestures than words when first meeting someone.  If he’s facing you directly, you have his full attention.

I don’t think we needed to invoke grunting cavemen to explain the concept of “people look at things they’re interested in.”

… I would also like to explain to Cosmo that all language is produced by the body.

Make him feel like a piece of meat: “It’s a huge turn-on to hear a woman objectify me,” 30-year-old Christopher says.  “It seems simple, but it’s so powerful.”  Take his words to heart and don’t be afraid to tell your guy everything you like about his body or what he does that drives you crazy.  He’ll be obsessed.

That’s not what objectification means.  That’s not making him feel like a piece of meat.  That’s just sexual compliments.  Yeah, sure, it’s easy to say “I don’t know what those ladies are complaining about, you can objectify me anytime” if you think it means your girlfriend tells you you have sexy abs.  read more

ART: Ito Jakuchu

Advertisements

Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

What’s this?

You are currently reading What is bad is not just that they show their bottoms, but that they do so at the wrong times at my nerves are bad to-night.

meta

%d bloggers like this: